HPC Sumo Tournament
Since the 16th century in ancient Japan the noble art of Sumo has captured the hearts and minds of millions around the globe. At this year's church picnic we will follow in this sacred tradition, pitting some of our fiercest warriors against one another until the ultimate HPC Sumo champion is crowned. 10 contenders have entered the field, but not all will qualify for the tournament. That is where you come in.
Each Sunday leading up to the picnic you'll have a chance to nominate one or more of these fine warriors. There will be a jar for each person into which you can drop money to support your chosen fighters. Those who earn the most money will be able to compete. Those who don't will leave the field of battle in dishonor. If you want to see your wrestler compete, donate to their jar. All the funds that are donated will go to support some of the key ministries of HPC, such as Missions and the Good Samaritan fund. To help you in your decision of who to support, here is a bit more information about each of our warriors:
- Robert "Big Bob" Johnson- Big Bob was born to loving parents and a life of wealth and luxury. Unfortunately that all changed when he was kidnapped by Icelandic pirates at the age of 3 during a trip to the beach. His time at sea and his ability to stay afloat for hours earned him the nickname Bob. Don't underestimate his talents on land though. He was the under 40 Icelandic MMA champion for seven years in a row.
- Mark "The Tickler" Kessel- The Tickler may seem like a nice guy, but his freakishly long arms and his unorthodox method of tickling his opponents into fits of hysteria have won him many a bout. His appetite for victory might make you laugh, and it will surely make his opponents cry.
- Steve "The Slammer" Hutchings- Where to begin. No one ones where he came from. Rumor has it that he's raising an army in the northwoods of TN. He runs his compound like a prison, which is why everyone calls him "The Slammer." His strict attention to discipline and his eye for an opponents weakness will make anyone beg to leave this warden's stronghold.
- "Deadly Don" Pierce- Deadly Don began his Sumo training at the age of 52 in Argentina. After only 9 months he was the champion of the Comodoro Rivadavia League. His winning was thought to be over after a bite from a deadly Broad-snouted Caiman, but it was the Caiman who lost as Don turned on the reptile and performed the Deadly Don Devastation move. Keep an eye on this one. He isn't to be trifled with.
- "Mean Mike" Dishmon- A graduate of MIT with doctorates in advanced linguistics and quantum mathematics, Mean Mike is not your average wrestler. Using his keen intellect he evaluates his opponents until he is ready. He only strikes once, but he only needs to. His technique is flawless and he makes all challengers look average, which is of course where his nickname "Mean" Mike comes from. Don't blink when you watch him compete. You could miss the winning blow.
- "Fighting Floyd" Richardson- Floyd is our one international competitor. Born and raised in Quebec Canada, Floyd is passionately French-Canadian and disdains all things American and English. A battle with Fighting Floyd is a battle for the honor of the crown and against the tyranny of Americans and their love for "french" bread and "french" fries. He'll take the fight right out of you with his clever turns of phrase, extensive knowledge of European and Canadian history, and his thick accent.
- "Bad Bobbie" Heidel- If bad is the new good, then Bad Bobbie is the best. In 147 matches she has never lost. No one knows her strategy or how she does it. Is it the training she received from Tibetan Monks in the art of Shin-Quan-Simchi? Is it the two dozen pintrest boards she runs simultaneously, strengthening her multi-tasking skills? Is it her strict diet of food with only 14% of her daily need of sodium? Maybe you can discover her secret, but you would be the first.
- "Killin'" Karen Payne- Karen began her competitive career in 1984 in the discus event at the Summer Games in Los Angeles. Her love for athletics grew until she was a master of fencing, rhythmic gymnastics, badmitton, the triple-jump, synchronized swimming, and of course, freestyle wrestling. Her experience on the international and her coach, Kari Jalonen of Finland's national ice hockey team, give her the edge that may tip things in her favor.
- Leigh Ann "The Leveler" Grant- Balance, equality, and an even playing field are the three legs on the stool of the Leveler's seat of sumo dominance. As the only competitor in the field to actually train in Japan, The Leveler knows how to turn weakness into strength. Legend has it that she uses chopsticks for everything, from sending an email to changing a flat tire. She only sleeps 14 hours a day every other day and eats nothing but Kobe beef and wasabi. She hasn't come to compete, she's come to win.
- Tyler "The Terrible" Marine- Some call Tyler a failure. At age 7 she lost the spelling-bee. At age 11 she lost her speech impediment. She lost the science fair 3 years in a row in High School, then lost her favorite hairbrush at the mall. Some said she was terrible at everything and would never win. Then Sumo happened. Once she discovered the joy of Sumo everything clicked. She got the job she always wanted at the Bubblegum factory. She finally beat level 107 on Candy Crush Saga. She even found her lost hairbrush at the mall. She kept the name Terrible to remind her of what she never wants to go back to. Terrible Tyler? I don't think so... not anymore... not anymore.